As much as I find it hilarious—if by hilarious, you mean funny until you reach the point where you want to gouge your own eyes out with your fingernails and scream bloody murder out of sheer annoyance—that so many so-called Christians are all riled up over saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas” (the scandal!), I find it just as funny that there are so many people who are equally as religious only when it is convenient for them.

My friend and I were talking about how there are many people in her class who pray before an exam. They actually ask God for help with the answers! These are the same people, she says, who party during the weekend—I guess if they’d spent that time studying they wouldn’t have to pray, right?—swear like sailors, sleep outside of marriage, and do plenty of other things that so-called pious people likely wouldn’t do.

When she asks if they pray any other time—my friend, by the way, does pray nightly, though she’s not about anything organized in terms of religion, just what is right to her—they say no, of course. The same thing irritates her when people are on their death beds and suddenly want to repent or pray in order to secure their spot in Heaven.

Me, I’m not as annoyed with this as I am amused by it. Religion is one of the oldest manmade scams in history, and people will continue to use it like this until they die. The same people who cheat on their spouses, hit others, have children out of wedlock, steal, or do anything else you probably wouldn’t consider Christian have come out of the woodwork to condemn gay marriage according to the Bible, after all. It’s just a human tool used to continually control other humans, and always will be—though I’d love to see that stop, as it seems to have done in some areas.

I guess if you were truly devout to one of the big book religions, it would piss you off that so many people treat it as a fleeting whim. Me, I think that whatever is true in your heart is good enough for anyone. I like to say that my religion is kindness (that’s what the Dalai Lama says), but I would identify most with paganism, or perhaps Unitarian Universalism. I’m ordained, after all; I must believe in something, right?

And I do. I believe in every individual’s right to practice whatever faith, beliefs, ethics, and moral codes that he or she prefers as long as no one is harmed in the process. That’s it. So if you want to pray for an A, go ahead; you might want to get yourself a bit of insurance by reading the text, though, just in case your prayers don’t work—or they do and god has a sense of humor.